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This is the shortest blog title ever on this blog. I wish!
It’s been a while since my last post and serial weekend confession posts. I am sorry to my loyal readers, who often came over and read my blog post. I have been in a upset mood for the past few months. It’s not just because that I am very slowly moving forward on my Internet Entrepreneur Journey, but also because of some personal issues to deal with.
Now, I am getting close to 40 years old. In Chinese’s ancient slogan, my life will just begin at age of 40. I feel like an empty shell that carry nothing in my past 30 something years. I am going to start a new life with new direction. I have a lot to wish for.
Put my journey behind this post, I have been dealing with the auto insurance company – AllState, since my auto accident in early 2007. I experienced the worst down time in my life after the accident. It’s not my fault in the accident. Dealing with big company like AllState has put me into depression mode. I don’t think I am in good hands. I have never felt depression in my life until recently. I have been always positive and happy all my life. Now I can totally feel and suffer the anxiety attack, which I have never understood.
After the call this afternoon, I have been totally pissed by the staff from AllState. She is doing her job. I don’t hate her and I do respect her professional career, but I hate the situation that they can say whatever they want and make the rule with no law to judge them. I suddenly have the huge anger fill up my whole chest. I am so angry, which almost made me blow up. I felt that I want to do something really crazy.
The reality is that I have to either take their offer or fight for it. I have spent so much time dealing with them. It turns out that I have been in the depression mode since and have my wife suffering with my disability to get the offer we are looking for. She got upset and depression as well. I felt like a loser in this case.
What suddenly hit my head really hard after the call is that my depression is gone! No matter what I will do next, I want it done. Now I see something really clear in my mind. I have wishes.
I wish
- to be rich and powerful person to help people, who can’t afford legal assistant, to fight for their rights
- to be rich and powerful person to get things done the way I want
- to have no fear to take on risks to make miracle
- to not feel bad when I piss people off while doing the right things
- to take on the loneliness while no one to rely on
- to not take on BS or crap just because someone say so
- to do things whatever I want, whenever I want and however I want
I felt tremendous anger in my chest, but it wipes out my depression. There won’t be any Mr. Nice Guy any more. I will still treat people the same way I used to be unless they cross the red line. Get out of my way!
Ah, now I understand. This too shall pass. You have arrived at the right conclusions. Don’t worry, it will all work out eventually and you will laugh at the whole thing in a few weeks’ time. All the best.
Terence, it is horrible to feel ripped off and let down, especially when we have done nothing wrong. I don’t blame you for getting depressed, and you know, that’s okay. It’s just another emotion and sometimes we have to feel it to move forward.
Now you’re at anger that is a very good step after depression because it is empowering. Feel it. Let it energize you, drive you. Take the positive from it and then let it go. What’s done is done and the now and the future are what matter. This is just a blip in the road my friend. Nothing more.
Take care and take your own advice – SMILE!
Kelly
Terence,
Depression stinks, and as you can see – it is horribly contagious to those who care about you. I am glad that you have “overcome” your despair. (I use AllState as well, and sympathize!)
As someone who has lived with depression a few times, I was given some great advice: anger is a valid emotion, and one that should be expressed and dealt with. Aggression, on the other hand, tends to make problems worse. Once you can separate the two, it becomes easier to deal with the nonsense of life!
As to turning 40 – I don’t know about anybody else, but my 40′s have been the ABSOLUTELY BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE! (I am almost 48). Go with it. I have found it to be quite a liberating decade!
Best to you,
Rita
Twitter: TerenceChang
says:
@Rummuser
@Rita
@Kelly She-Power
Thank you all for the kind encouragement. I still felt angry today by looking at AllState sponsored TV event. I just could not believe that they keep advertising “Are you in good hands?”
I will move on no matter what tough time that I am facing. It’s life. I will separate anger and turn that into motivation. From the bottom of my heart, I am a positive and happy person.
Life goes on!
Thank you all!
Like the saying goes… getting in is easy, getting out is hard.
Twitter: TerenceChang
says:
@Marketing Deviant:
That’s true! There is no more wish. It will just be the facts! Thank you for stopping by again!