I wish

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This is the shortest blog title ever on this blog. I wish!

It’s been a while since my last post and serial weekend confession posts. I am sorry to my loyal readers, who often came over and read my blog post. I have been in a upset mood for the past few months. It’s not just because that I am very slowly moving forward on my Internet Entrepreneur Journey, but also because of some personal issues to deal with.

Now, I am getting close to 40 years old. In Chinese’s ancient slogan, my life will just begin at age of 40. I feel like an empty shell that carry nothing in my past 30 something years. I am going to start a new life with new direction. I have a lot to wish for.

Put my journey behind this post, I have been dealing with the auto insurance company - AllState, since my auto accident in early 2007. I experienced the worst down time in my life after the accident. It’s not my fault in the accident. Dealing with big company like AllState has put me into depression mode. I don’t think I am in good hands. I have never felt depression in my life until recently. I have been always positive and happy all my life. Now I can totally feel and suffer the anxiety attack, which I have never understood.

After the call this afternoon, I have been totally pissed by the staff from AllState. She is doing her job. I don’t hate her and I do respect her professional career, but I hate the situation that they can say whatever they want and make the rule with no law to judge them. I suddenly have the huge anger fill up my whole chest. I am so angry, which almost made me blow up. I felt that I want to do something really crazy.

The reality is that I have to either take their offer or fight for it. I have spent so much time dealing with them. It turns out that I have been in the depression mode since and have my wife suffering with my disability to get the offer we are looking for. She got upset and depression as well. I felt like a loser in this case.

What suddenly hit my head really hard after the call is that my depression is gone! No matter what I will do next, I want it done. Now I see something really clear in my mind. I have wishes.

I wish

  • to be rich and powerful person to help people, who can’t afford legal assistant, to fight for their rights
  • to be rich and powerful person to get things done the way I want
  • to have no fear to take on risks to make miracle
  • to not feel bad when I piss people off while doing the right things
  • to take on the loneliness while no one to rely on
  • to not take on BS or crap just because someone say so
  • to do things whatever I want, whenever I want and however I want

I felt tremendous anger in my chest, but it wipes out my depression. There won’t be any Mr. Nice Guy any more. I will still treat people the same way I used to be unless they cross the red line. Get out of my way!

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